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The Day of Forgiveness

My Dad and Daughter

As a little girl I was never close with my earthly Father. My parents divorced when I was 2 and i simply didn’t know the man I called Dad. Unfortunately I spent many years bound in resentment and bitterness over this. I felt unloveable and my bad choices through my teens and early twenties just added fuel to that fire. I blamed way too much on a man who I believe today did the best he could to love me. Today holds a dear place in my heart for so many reasons, it marks the one year anniversary of the day I forgave my Dad. Sitting in church a year ago today, God’s mercy washed over my heart and He gave me His eyes to see my Dad as He does and here’s how i see my Dad today…

generous, funny, down to earth, a great cook, wonderful smile, creative, broken, hurting, and loves me and my family so dearly.

Last week I recieved a letter from my Dad saying all the words I had wished for so long he would say to me, almost a year to the date of my forgiving him. The amazing thing about that letter is I didn’t feel how I thought I would feel about recieving it. I thought it would make me feel some how justified in my pain for all those years, kinda like I deserved to feel like that…bitter and angry. But it didn’t make me feel deserving at all, it made me feel just the opposite, it made me feel unworthy of God’s mercy and it made me feel sad for my Dad not having a friendship with Jesus. God calls us all to be OAKS OF RIGHTOUSNESS, A SPLENDER FOR HIS GLORY and I knew in my unforgiveness i had not been that for God. He asks us to forgive our enemies and here I held onto unforgiveness like a security blanket.

As I sat in church today, filled with gratitude, all I could think of was my Dad and just how much God loves us all. I thought about how God has filled me up so completely that, in Him, I have been made new and His mercy gives me beauty for my ashes. And I thought about God’s generosity to me, giving me my Husband, my Priest, and my Father in Law. I no longer have an absent dad…I have FIVE FATHERS! God is Good!

My Husband, my Best Friend

The man who taught me love, patience, and trust. You are my Heaven on Earth! I admire, respect, and adore you and the kind Father you are to our babies. I have learned so much from you, love of my life. xo

I’m always amazed at what comes out of me on this little blog of mine. I never mean to go deep yet somehow I always end up here. My prayer for you, if you are holding onto unforgivness in any way, is that you would lay it at the feet of Jesus. That He would do for you what He did for me…. give you His eyes so that you could see your enemy that way God does….broken.

“Unforgiveness takes delight in our fear, as it binds our wings and pushes us off the cliff of dispair.”

Come back this week to play “Guess Where”, my silly version of Where’s Waldo and win a fun prize:)

Linking up with Jen and my sisters at http://findingheaventoday.blogspot.com/, stop on over.

Love Song – Adele

Close your eyes….breath deep….look into the eyes of your Lord as He reaches His hand out to you…take it.

whenever i’m alone with you
you make me feel like i am home again
whenever i’m alone with you
you make me feel like i am whole again
whenever i’m alone with you
you make me feel like i am young again
whenever i’m alone with you
you make me feel like i am fun again
however far away
i will always love you
however long i stay
i will always love you
whatever words i say
i will always love you
i will always love you
whenever i’m alone with you
you make me feel like i am free again
whenever i’m alone with you
you make me feel like i am clean again
however far away
i will always love you
however long i stay
i will always love you
whatever words i say
i will always love you
i will always love you
lyrics by The Cure. (fitting because yes He is…The Cure:)

Isaiah 61:1-3
“The spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me, because the LORD has anointed me; he has sent me to bring good news to the oppressed, to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and release to the prisoners; to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn; to provide for those who mourn in Zion — to give them a garland instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the mantle of praise instead of a faint spirit. They will be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, to display his glory.”

Oh how He loves us!

Where’s Waldo…

If you have tween kids you probably remember the WHERE’S WALDO books. Loved them as I sat with the kids and we all tried to be the first one to find the goofy looking Waldo character. Well….that’s kinds been my life lately! Friends keep asking WHERE’S JILL? Blog buddies check in periodically to see if I’m ok and most of the phone messages from family members begin something like this, “I know you’ve been busy lately but when you get a chance can you give me a quick call?” That’s the worst 🙁 First let me say THANK YOU for the “just checking on you” emails I received. It still amazes me that God has put you in my life. It amazes me that you would even care what a mess like me would have to say over on this little ole’ blog of mine. It has been a truly Blessed month for me and my family, full of ups and downs. The ups~

Co-chairing my church’s SPRING GALA with my hubby. Lot’s of hard work but we raised some much needed funds with a great community of people. God is trying so hard to make us a great team….we’re gettin there .

I was invited to attend the Surtex show in NYC by a friend who is a licensed artist. I learned SO much about the licensing art world. Fair to say the good, the bad, and the ugly! Not sure if this is my path but I’m open to the possibilities. NYC was very cool to visit for the first time as an adult.

these guys were having too much fun!

catwalk at the Surtex show
and Time Square
and Central Park

*************************Blessed to witness many Baptisms this last month, 8 to be exact! Not too sure why God allowed me to be at the right place at the right time but sure does put life into perspective when you watch so many come to Jesus through this sacrament. Holy WOW!

Attended Mass at St. Patrick’s Cathedral while in NYC

***********************************************************

The ending of many activities for the kids…soccer, acting class that ended with a play, spring musical and of course the end of a school year!

Yeeha! Welcome Summer:)
My sweet kiddos..Lauren is the mad scientist, Cooper is the goalie!

An exciting opportunity to wholesale with my very favorite local boutique. They have several locations and tons of foot traffic. I have been biding my time and waiting til the right opportunity came up to begin wholesaling…could this be it? I’ll keep you posted.

TRU workshops and ATC swaps! I am so thrilled that my workshops have blossomed into a place of creative support and love. It has taken me 2 years to finally see the fruits of this journey and God has been more than faithful to me. I am inspired by the women who join me on this journey and am in awe of the art they are creating . ********* TRUly inspiring women!

Putting my health on the list again, I’m exercising everyday, taking my vitamins, drinking more water, and enjoying whole, clean foods. Lost 10 Lbs! Not brave enough to post a picture here.
Getting my house organized. I know, i’ve been talking about doing this forever and i’m finally working it out! Again, not brave enough to post a picture…not of my messy closets!

The downs~ Missed my nephews 1st Communion because of my trip to Surtex. Computer officially crashed! This was more than a downer! Just yesterday we finally got all my contacts and documents loaded and this has been a day to day process. This was a very difficult thing to give to God as a real part of my life lies in this little laptop. My work, my photographs, and my contacts all sat untouched for weeks at a time as we struggled to find a solution to my computer problem. Finally the big black screen of nothing. Had to bite the bullet and just get a new machine, my mother board had died. I do not wish that on my worst enemy so as a friend my only advice is…shut your computer completely down each night.
Contracted a terrible rash from NYC?? Still not sure what it was but very itchy and left welts on me. Not sure if it was bedbugs…yuck! All gone now, no sign of critters.

My hubby and I finished up our first year as Youth Group leaders at our church…oh wait, that goes in the UPS section. We will miss our teens this summer!

Missed my sisters birthday but going out tonight to finally celebrate.

Missed some of my BFFs…finally catching up on walks, dinners, and phone convos.

Missed you, my bloggy friends. That’s it!! We are leaving for vacation next week and I will post some pictures while we’re there. Leave a comment to see if you know the location from my pictures, kinda like a virtual Where’s Waldo, and you could be the winner of a special give-away. Look for more details to come. I have not given up on the Choosing Hope series i have planned to post, so I hope you haven’t either. I will begin that in June, God willing (i’m learning to say that more!). xo jill

GOOD Friday

So they took Jesus, and, carrying the cross Himself, He went out to what is called the Place of the Skull, in Hebrew, Golgotha.

There they crucified him, and with two others, one on either side,

with Jesus in the middle.

John 19:16-18

_____________________

Oh Jesus,

For the sake of your sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

For all those who are struggling, hurting, or battling something, let them surrender to your Holy will. Help them to know that they are being brought closer to you and your suffering on the cross. Your way is perfection, your love is perfection. As we arrive at our destination, the foot of the cross, let us look up and be grateful for your sacrifice. Help us to submerge ourselves in your Holy perfect Love, May we share your Name with all that we encounter.

In His name,

Amen

Holy Week…5 days till Easter

HOLY WEEK

Peter said to Him,

“Master, why can I not follow you now?

I will lay down my life for you.”

Jesus answered,

“Will you lay down your life for me?

Amen, Amen, I say to you,

the cock will not crow before you deny me three times.”

John 13:37-38

____________________

Reading the Holy Scripture this morning, i was amazed how God was speaking to me. Struggling this last month to get these prayers posted has been very humbling for me. Yes, my computer had a most nasty virus, and yes i waited too long to take it in to be fixed, which made it even worse off. But the real YES and the truth of the matter is I just didn’t try hard enough. Then i just felt shame for not doing for God (and you all) what I said and committed to doing…just like Peter. I got my computer back last Thursday and here I am Tuesday with a post!WHY? I can only say that my complacency, guilt, and busyness kept me from praying with you. I have no excuse but that. And as much as I have let myself down and some of you down ( I lost several followers), the fact of the matter is I let God down because this was part of my Lenten promise to Him. Simply put, I told Him I would do it and I didn’t.

So what now??

I get back up, I confess and ask forgiveness, and I refuse to let satan win!

Like I stated in a previous post, I believe it is no coincidence that my computer broke within a week of starting this series. The problem is that i became like Peter…believing I would stop at nothing to fulfill my promise, only to quickly give up when it became too hard.

It shows me the depth of God’s love for me that He would take my sin by giving up on Him and this promise I made, and He would turn it around to Glorify Himself through this Holy Scripture.

Oh how He loves us….

Lover of my soul,

Forgive me when I deny you.
Here I humbly sit, feeling the weight of your cross, my sin.

THANK YOU for allowing me to feel so deeply just a tiny glimpse of your sacrifice.

As we come closer to the foot of the cross to watch you suffer a most agonizing death, help us to love like you love Jesus. Help us to dig in during these final days of the journey and carry the cross with you Lord. Help us to be like Veronica, wiping the blood from Your precious face with no regard for ourselves.

We praise You, we love You, we trust You.

In the name of Jesus,

Amen

Day 25 of Lent

Prayers and Scripture for Lent

Day 25

He (Jesus) then spoke this parable addressed to those who believed in their own self-righteousness while holding everyone else in contempt.

Luke 18:9

______________________

Holy Father,

Sometimes when we are trying so hard to do what is right, we forget how lost we once were. Being on Your righteous path does not make us righteous, it is Your law that is righteous. Let us not forget how quickly we can fall. Yet even in our fall, when we humble ourselves to you, you are there to pick us up again and again.

Praise Your unending mercy!

In the name of Jesus,

Amen

Day 23 of Lent

Prayers and Scripture of Lent

Day 23

“They walked in the hardness of their evil hearts and turned their backs,

not their faces, to me.”

Jeremiah 7:24

________________________

Forgiving God,

As so many turn their backs on you, we beg you in all your mercy to not turn your back on us.

As we look at another person in judgement and frustration, we beg you in all your glory to spare us the judgement we deserve.

Friend of my soul, quench the thirsty parts of me with your grace.

Let our hearts not harden to sin, but rejoice always in your abundant love.

In the name of Jesus,

Amen

Day 22 of Lent

Sorry about the absence…i’m really struggling with my computer not working and hubby has been out of town for 2 weeks so I haven’t been able to sneak onto his. Thank you for bearing with me. You have been on my mind and in my prayers. I will continue to do the best I can to get these posts off, oh how I love to pray with you:) Unfortunately I am going to delay the Choose Hope series until after my computer comes home from the doctor, with a clean bill of health. It is just too hard to post when I’m getting booted off every 4 minutes!! Again, thank you for your patience with me. God Bless you!

Prayers and Scripture for Lent

Day 22

“Do not think that I have come to abolish the law or the prophets.

I have not come to abolish (them) but to fulfill (them).”

Matt 5:17

___________________

Oh my Jesus,

Fulfill in us a yearning to be your instruments, your hands, your feet. Help us to see others with your eyes. Help transform our hearts to love like you do.

May we lift up our lives to you and fulfill our destiny.

In Your name,

Amen

Day 17 of Lent…My Baby’s Birthday!

Prayers and Scripture for Lent

The Annunciation of the Lord

Day 17

And Mary said,

“Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord; let it be done according to your Word”,

and the angel departed from her.

Luke 1:38

________________________

Lord; our Father,

On this Holy day of Your Annunciation, when Gabriel came to the Virgin Mary, let us give you praise. You chose the lowly Virgin to bare your Son Jesus and she did so with complete TRUST. Never once did Mary doubt You, though she must have been scared. Help us to TRUST you like Your Mother did!

Help us to look into the hurt faces of our world and the hurt places in our heart and TRUST You with it.

Your yoke is easy, burden light…let us sit in that promise with complete TRUST.

In the name of our Savior,

Amen

***

HAPPY 10th BIRTHDAY COOPER

Cooper

Bright light and big surprise

Leader

Wise

Kind and caring…even in the little ways

Gentle

Brave

Sensitive and Empathetic

Adventuresome

Clever and hysterical

My Baby!

When you came into our lives 10 years ago, you were a surprise and I can’t say i was fully equipped to deal with a new baby and a 14 month old.
I was a mess.
But, God knew you already and how much our family needed you. Needed your loyal faithfulness and gentle leadership. You humor and wit.
You completed us.
I am so proud to be your mommy and I truly admire you.
I love you!
Mom
xoxoxox

Day 15 of Lent

Prayers and Scripture for Lent

Day 15

“It is not this way among you, but whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant and whoever wishes to be first among you shall be your slave; just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many.”

Matt 20:26-27

_________________

Maker of the Beginning and End,

The world teaches us the contradiction of Your Perfect Law and sometimes it’s hard.

Help us today to have the Grace to sit in Your way. To be a servant and not be served. To remember in your eyes that last is always first.

To have humility.

In His name,

Amen

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